Location, Location, Location

If making movies was as hard to do as finding a wedding venue, the last thing you would have seen on the big screen is some grainy footage Spielberg shot as a 7-year old.  Seriously.  It was absolutely easier to create the world of Middle-Earth in a cow pasture in New Zealand than it is to find a place to hold a party in Los Angeles that charges less than $4k to walk in the door.  This isn't Sparta.  THIS. IS. MADNESS!

I began the hunt for locations a few weeks ago.  Since my birthday's the 17th, I want to have my BFFW on Saturday, December 15th.  Which is not only a popular night but also smack dab in the middle of holiday season so I'm facing extra competition for spots.  But I figure I'm starting plenty early so how hard could it be?  So, so wrong.  It's honestly sad how delusional I was.  I'd weep for the loss of my innocence if I wasn't so busy weeping over the fact that I was told by one location that their $50 a person price for pasta, green salad and water was "really quite reasonable compared to other locations".  The last time I went to the grocery store, boxes of noodles were on sale for a buck a box.  I flunked algebra in high school but I do think I'm doing the math correctly here and there is no way on this green earth that tap water, a head of iceberg and 50 cents worth of noodles somehow adds up to FIFTY dollars a person.  Someone bust out a calculator and run the numbers to confirm.

I feel like Tommie Lee Jones in The Fugitive except instead of checking every farmhouse, henhouse, doghouse, etc. I'm checking every Mason lodge, VFW hall and structure vaguely resembling four walls and a roof in a 3 state radius.  If I find one that charges no rental fee it's because they have the magical $50 pasta.  If I find one with a low fee that lets me bring in my own catering / alcohol it's because they close at 9pm (I mean even in middle school I could stay up past 9pm! Yes that was only on Fridays, and only because Miami Vice was on, but you see my point).  If I find one with a reasonable per head price (and by "reasonable" I of course mean that unless the menu is composed entirely of ingredients not found on this planet there is no way to justify that price) they want $600 - 1000 AN HOUR for the pleasure of their company.  If I were really getting married that $59 special at the Elvis Chapel of Love would be looking super good right now.

So the hunt continues.  But everyone should be prepared to fly to Middle-Earth if I can't lock something down soon.