My closest friends have been nothing but supportive. My parents didn't quite get it at first but they've quickly come around and my poor father has even feigned interest in my long monologues about dessert choice. But there's not a whole lot of ways to succinctly summarize the concept to complete strangers.
Sometimes I get:
"Are you depressed?"
(Nope. Not having kids was a conscious choice and I don't feel defined by any other human being, let alone having or not having a spouse)
But most often it's the much more common exchange that goes:
Me (without thinking): "oh that would be perfect for the wedding!"
Stranger (usually while glancing at my left hand): "You're getting married?"
Me: "Nope, but I'm planning a lavish wedding for my 40th."
Stranger (usually with blank stare): "Huh?????"
In the end it doesn't matter what someone else's opinion is, of course. I've always tried to live my life by my own terms and to not allow other's perceptions to influence me. But I gotta admit, it kinda sucks sometimes. There's a lot of stigma with being 40 and single and childless. Is it fair? Nope. Does it make sense? Nope. But it's there nonetheless.
Which makes it all the more important that I go forward. Because I'm not the only one.
"Are you depressed?" = a CRAZY question to ask, let alone in this situation. I find the whole enterprise completely charming, fun, optimistic, celebratory, unique, kick-ass, AND a great commentary! I think it's truly worth examining who is celebrated in our culture and for what. And if we want to change it, what better way than to CELEBRATE someone who deserves it: you. I am honored to be invited and I truly hope I come. AND I hope you're registered for gifts. Come on, now!
ReplyDeleteI'm sure it goes without saying that most of us with a brain rattling around in our head REALLY resent the implication that someone without a baby and a partner by 40 is assed-out. Look at all the people who DO have babies and partners at 40 who are toooootally assed-out! Or rather, those folks should look at themselves--if indeed those are the ones being critical.
Have a blast with this! Lord knows many of us hate wedding planning, but the sheer joy of planning something for YOU takes a lot of BS out of it. (Not all, as you have discovered.)
Can't wait for my invitation! :)