The Knot is Evil

With as many weddings as I've been to you better believe I've been taking notes.  I can't remember where I last saw my car keys, but the thread count of the napkins at a wedding I went to 3 years ago is locked in my brain as though it were the secret for turning lead to gold.

So it comes as no shock that the second I made the decision to embrace turning 40 and use it as an excuse to throw myself the wedding of my dreams (instead of plan "A": Curl In To A Ball and Cry) the ideas came flooding in.  Within an hour I had a two page document outlining the theme, colors, favors, table settings, food, photography and decorations I wanted.  Two hours later I had my sister and 4 closest friends roped in as "bridesmaids".  I have four years worth of receipts I haven't filed, but throw in the promise of cake and a champagne toast and all of a sudden I'm more organized than the White House Press Secretary.  It turns out I'm not lazy ... I just lack proper motivation.

But even though I've been a meeting and event planner, ran a medical trade show and currently coordinate feature films for a living, I don't know the first thing about planning a wedding.  So of course I reached out to friends who've gotten married.  They sent me their old budgets and research, catering recommendations, etc.  All good and helpful stuff.  And then I turned to the internet.  Do you know what the very first search result is when you Google "planning a wedding"?  The Knot.  Everyone who's ever planned a wedding knows it.  Hell I'd wager even Kate stopped by and checked it out before she let the royal wedding planners take over.  EVERYONE uses it.  But what everyone fails to mention is that it is a black hole from which light, hope and common sense can not escape.  I innocently clicked on a thread about wedding themes and the next thing I knew four hours had gone by and all I'd really learned is Bitches Be Crazy.  I don't know what it is about planning that "special day" but it apparently drives most perfectly normal women insane.  I mean I have to assume they weren't all insane to begin with.  After all these are literate individuals who have managed to convince someone to marry them.  Basic odds would dictate that not every single one of them was institutionalized before visiting this website.  Right?

Please let me not turn in to one of them.

In many instances the crazy is justified.  It IS hard to stay within a budget while still trying to have an event that's special and unique.  But there just have to be more important things in this world to worry about than what one's flower selection says about them.  Here's hoping planning my BFFW (Big Fat Fake Wedding) won't drive me to the brink of madness ... or lead me to ever having to visit the swirling vortex of time-drainage that is The Knot ever again.